dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
