if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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