new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
