So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
