i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So many bounce houses so little time
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
