Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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