Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i may or may not be watching the land before time
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
