if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
