Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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