dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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