actually, I'm a sock model
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
