Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
