We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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