I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
