He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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