No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
