Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
