Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
