he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
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After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
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They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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