1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
