he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
