Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
