I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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