I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
