I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
