His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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