Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
