There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
