Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
