Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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