Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
