oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
