2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
mondays should just be called national damage control day
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize