Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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