Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
