I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
