saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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