Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
