she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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