My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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