If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
