Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
