Well apparently he's into motor boating.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
