I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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