Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
