if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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