im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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