Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
