How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
