There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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