i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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