I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
