I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
