we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Houston, we have a squirter
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Someone came in the potted fern
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
