In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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