Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
