Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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