the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
