I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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