Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
