is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize