You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
