Are we in a gay sports bar?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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