when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
