my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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