what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize