I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
