it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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