Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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