Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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