I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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