Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize