So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
