Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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